Superstore, No Frills and Freshmart locations to begin new "Pre-Arrest" policy this March in an effort to combat increased theft. Loblaw Companies Ltd. announced today that they are taking a vast leap forward in strategies to prevent theft in their stores. Starting this March, each and every customer who exits the store will be gently slammed to the floor and restrained by on-duty police officers. This is a bold move from the grocery giant who says that 'retail theft is at an

Ex-Mayor Mike Savage, notably alive, says he has no idea why this is happening. It's becoming a familiar sight for Haligonians living and working in the downtown core. The normally breezy air along the waterfront abruptly stills and sparse clouds in the sky begin to coalesce. Gradually, the exact visage of former mayor Mike Savage forms and speaks directly to current mayor Andy Fillmore. " Do not allow them to build bike lanes Andy " resonates a deep and ethereal voice, " Bik

Wow. What a nice leather jacket. I wish I had one like that but it probably wouldn't look nearly as cool on me.

"Benny ****** the **** of Fink's **** and yelled '**** me and **** my ******* until I ****** my ***** all over ****** and ****' '*******! *******! ********! I'm ****** so ******* ****. I love you Benny The Bullet but tomorrow, I will beat you on the ice'"

Spooked MLAs Iain Rankin and Derek Mombourquette spotted fleeing Province House shouting "G-G-G-G-GHOST!"

"He promised he would be there when we needed him. He said it over and over again, in 4/4 time."

Liberal Party Members Iain Rankin and Derek Mombourquette are on the hunt today, after losing access to their party's home base in the basement of Derek Mombourquette's childhood home.