Cape Bretoners Feel Betrayed by Absent Bruno Mars During Grenade Scare

Jimmy Gallagher
1 day ago
2 min read

"He promised he would be there when we needed him. He said it over and over again, in 4/4 time."

Singer in hat and sunglasses performs passionately with a grenade illustration, set against a vibrant, green landscape background. — A Depiction of the oath Bruno Mars made to Cape Bretoners .

When the emergency alert went out the morning of January 7th 2026, residents of Sydney, Nova Scotia were struck with an initial wave of panic. A live explosive was found in downtown Sydney and people were being evacuated. Social media lit up with people asking questions. "What is the explosive? How big? Where is it? Does The Steel still got Karaoke tonight er wha?"

Then news spread that the discovered explosive was, in fact, a grenade. The sign of relief Cape Bretoners let out was audible across the island.

"Bruno's got this!"

However, when no updates had been provided by the afternoon, concern rose again. People asked if his flight was delayed, if anyone remembered to call him and was the Steel gonna reschedule Kareokee for Thursday night. Now that the crisis is over and Bruno has not shown up, one thing has been made perfectly clear. Bruno Mars is an Oath-breaker.

"There are things you come to rely on in this world. The sun will rise in the East, time marches ever forward and Bruno Mars will be there when you need him" says Interim Chief of Police Stephen Mackinnon, "especially with events concerning grenades and knives." MacKinnon has only been in the role of Police Chief for 6 days now, as he took over for retiring Police Chief Robert Walsh. He states that in the playbook he inherited, the guidance is clear. "In case of Grenade threat, clear the area and wait. Bruno will be there." He feels now that the playbook may have to be re-written.

"Bruno wasn't there. Bruno didn't care"

The Scotian attempted to reach Bruno Mars at his residence at The Parks MGM in Las Vegas, however, we were denied an interview. We were directed to this statement by Mars made in 2010.